Genesis 33:1-10

&nb= sp;

Advent offers opportunities for reconciliation and p= eace in families.

A sermon preached by

Dr. William O. (Bud) R= eeves

First United Methodist Church

Hot= Springs, Arkansas

December 7, 2008<= /o:p>

Families operate in st= range ways sometimes. There’s= a story about an older couple who had retired to Phoenix. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, the old man called his son, who lived in New York City, and announced to him, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing—45 years of misery is enough.&qu= ot;

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son asked.

"We can't stand t= he sight of each other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in = Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calle= d his sister, who exploded on the phone. "They're not getting divorced!" she shouted. "I'll take care of this."

She called Phoenix immediately and screamed at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single t= hing till I get there. I'm calling= my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing!"= ;

The old man hung up the phone and turned to his wife. "Okay," he said, "They're comi= ng for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares. Now, what do we do for Christmas?&= quot;= = [1]

What are we going to do about Christmas? When I decided to preach an Advent sermon series on the theme “Come Home for Christmas,” I knew I would have to do a sermon on family relationships during the holidays. You see it on TV, in movies, every= where you turn. There is this Norman Rockwell picture of the holidays that includes big, happy families all shar= ing quality time together with big smiles on their faces. I wish it were so for everybody. But you and I both know it’s= not that way for many people. In = fact, the holidays for many families are times of conflict, stress, and anything = but fun. You know the reality as = well as I do; the holidays bring increases in domestic disturbances, depression, substance abuse and suicide. = Dr. Anthony Storr, a psychiatrist, wrote an article entitled, “Cheer Up; It’s Soon Over,” and his advice was: “Remember that Christmas, although recurrent, doesn’t last forever.”= = [2]

To get some insight, I= suggest we look at the Bible’s original dysfunctional family. It began with Abraham and Hagar and Sarah, was passed on to Isaac and Rebekah, and reached epic proportions in = the relationship between Jacob and his brother Esau. The story starts about Genesis 12,= but we pick it up today at a critical point of reconciliation in chapter 33. Follow their example, and you, too= , can learn how not to have a peaceful family.

First, play favorites. = Isaac, the father, loved manly man Esau, and Rebekah, the mother, loved Jacob, who hung around the tents with the women. Love one another unequally and conditionally, and you can avoid peace forever in your home.

Second, play games. I’m not talking about a family interest in sports; I’m talking about the emotional ga= me-playing that so often happens in families. Manipulation, coercion, dishonesty, deceit, and a lack of integrity = can ruin a family’s chances for peace and reconciliation. Jacob, whose name meant Conniver, tricked his brother Esau out of the two things that belonged to him as the firstborn of the two brothers: the birthright to a majority of the inherita= nce, and the blessing of Isaac, the father.&nbs= p; Jacob’s trickery split the family.

Third, treat strangers like family and family like strangers. In the ancient world of the Bible, hospitality w= as a sacred duty. A man would rath= er die than treat guests badly; they outdid themselves to make company feel welcom= e. Yet they seemed to have no problem= being mean to their own family.

How many times have we fallen into that trap? We tre= at casual acquaintances better than we do our loved ones. We keep on a face of civility and hospitality until we get home, then the first thing our spouse or kids say = that ticks us off, we explode with all the pent-up anger of the day.

These are wonderful wa= ys to avoid peace and reconciliation wit= h your family, and we can find them all practiced in the Bible. But maybe your goa= l is different today. You would li= ke to have peace in your home. You = would like to reconcile with that family member that you’ve been at odds wi= th for years. You’d like t= his holiday time to be a time when everyone could gather together and nobody sa= y a cross word. You’d like = to come home to family this Christmas. Then look at what happened when Jacob and Esau came back together af= ter 15 years of separation.

First, there was FORGIVENESS. Ja= cob had wronged his brother; Esau deserved to be angry at him. But when Jacob came back home afte= r all those years, Esau greeted him with the embrace of forgiveness. It didn’t matter any more. In fact, Jacob could see it in his= face; he said that seeing Esau was like seeing the face of God. It was that radiant.

You’ve probably heard of the famous feud between the two families, the Hatfields and the McCoys, in the Appalachian region of Kentucky. Did you know that the feud is now = officially over? After 125 years of host= ility, the infamous conflict finally ceased. On June 14, 2003, sixty descendants of the original clans gathered i= n Pikeville, Kentucky, to sign a peace treaty between the two families.

The Hatfield-McCoy feud started over a stolen hog, but before it was = over 11 people were killed in the fighting.&nbs= p; Just five years ago, they signed a document which read, "We do hereby and formally declare an official end to all hostilities, implied, inferred, and real, between the families, now and forevermore.” Reo Hatfield, who first thought of = the ceremony, said, "We're not saying you don't have to fight, because sometimes you do have to fight. But you don't have to fight forever.'' <= /span>Both the governor of Kentucky and the governo= r of West Virginia we= re present for the nationally televised ceremony.[3]

Forgiveness can open u= p a doorway to reconciliation. Not forgiving just eats us up inside as we become increasingly resentful and bi= tter over the hurts we have experienced. If you want peace and reconciliation in your family, forgive one another.

Second, there was RESPECT. <= /span>Peace rules in families where each member is treated with respect.= Jacob had disrespected Esau and his father Isaac by the tricks he pulled, but when the two brothers came back together, they offered one anot= her generous gifts as a sign of respect and esteem.

Rev. James Earl Massey= was browsing in a bookstore one holiday season when he overheard a conversation going on nearby. A young wife= was pleading with her husband, “Here’s something you could give your dad for Christmas.” Her= tone sounded weary, as if the couple had been shopping for some time. The man took the beautifully carve= d and painted wooden boat that his wife held out to him and looked at the price tag. He blurted out, “U= gh! Thirty-five dollars! He’= ;s not worth that much!” Massey shuddered, wondering what that father had done to spoil the son’s reg= ard for him.= [4]

What if we quit worrying so much about buying = the perfect present for our family members this Christmas, and we gave each one= a gift of love and respect in abundance?&nbs= p; Every single person, including every one in your family circle, is a child of God, made in the image of the Creator, loved unconditionally by Go= d, worthy of the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Jesus loved that person enough to = die for him or her; can’t we give them a little credit? Every single individual has hopes = and dreams and feelings and dignity. Even in the midst of disagreements or discipline, that needs to be affirmed. Nobody is worthless; nobody is insignificant; nobody deserves to be cast out of the circle of respect. Coming home at Chris= tmas means respecting those who are at home with you.

Third, there was PATIENCE. <= /span>Reconciliation doesn&#= 8217;t happen overnight. Years of pa= in or resentment or conflict or dysfunctional relationships cannot be undone this Christmas. Steps can be made,= but problems don’t build up in a day, and they won’t go away in a d= ay either. Jacob was estranged f= rom his brother for over 14 years. You have to be patient.

The St= raight Story is a movie based on a true story of two brothers in their 70̵= 7;s named Alvin and Lyle Straight. They were mad at each other and hadn’t spoken in ten years. Then Lyle had a stroke, and Alvin decided he = had better go see him and try to make things right before it was too late. Unfortunately, Alvin’s eyesight was so bad, his driver’s license had been revoked, and they had no other family. So Alvin took off on his 1966 John Deere riding lawnmower, with his supplies in a homemade trailer behind him. = The trip was 500 miles and took him six weeks.

At one point Alvin camped in a cemetery, and the pastor of a church next door brought him food. They got into a convers= ation, and Alvin recalled how he and Lyle had been very close growing up, sleeping out and talking until late at night. = The pastor asked, “Whatever happened between you two?”

A= lvin’s eyes teared up as he explained, "The story's as old as Cain and Abel.<= span style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> Anger. Vanity. Mix that together with liquor, and you've got two brothers who haven't spoken in ten years." After a moment of grieving silence= , he added, "Whatever it was that made me and Lyle so mad, it doesn't matter anymore. I want to make peace and sit with him and look up at the stars lik= e we used to do."

After six weeks on the riding mower, Alvin reached the dilapidated wooden shack that belonged to his brother Lyle. He stood outside and called, “Lyle? Lyle?” No answer. Maybe he was too late, and Lyle ha= d died while he had been on the road.

After a lengthy pause, a voice from inside the= shack called, "Alvin? Alvin?&= quot; Lyle appeared at the front door ho= lding onto a walker. He invited Alvi= n to come onto the porch, where they sat in silence for a long time. Alvin nervously l= ooked at his brother, while Lyle studied the riding mower and makeshift trailer. Obviously overcome with emotion and gratitude, his eyes puddled as he asked, "You came all this way on that…just to see me?"

A= lvin's face twitched, betraying his emotion. His eyes, too, were tearful. He smiled and simply said, "I = did, Lyle!" After ten years of silence, those simple words were a symphony of reconciliation and forgivene= ss.= = [5]

The good news I have for you today is this: Ad= vent offers opportunities for reconciliation and peace in our families. I know not every marriage will be healed. Not every relationshi= p will become close. That’s OK= ; we don’t live in a perfect world. But even in situations where everything does not work out in a picture-perfect manner, we can hope for peace. We can hope for reconciliation. We can hope for acceptance without bitterness. It can happen.

Reconciliation is possible because of God’s reconciling actio= n in Jesus Christ. Christmas is a = move on God’s part to reconcile the world to himself and to each other. The mission of Jesus is to bring us all—broken hearts, broken lives, broken creation—back together again.

The first step toward peace and reconciliation in your family is to have peace and reconciliation with God. Embrace the grace he giv= es to us in Jesus Christ. Have you = done that? It’s very simple.= Repent of your sins; confess them = before God; receive his forgiveness. Surrender your life and your will to God and promise to follow Jesus= in the way you live. Accept God’s promise that you are already in a reconciled relationship with him.

Then you can forgive others who h= ave hurt you. You can respect one another, because you have the self-respect of knowing that you, too, are a child of God. You can be pati= ent, because you know how patient God was—and is!—with you, and you = know that our lives and our families are ultimately in his almighty hand.

Advent offers opportunities to fi= nd reconciliation and peace in our families.&= nbsp; First be reconciled to God, then take steps with those you love. It can begin today. If Jacob and Esau can embrace, if = the Hatfields and McCoys can call off their feud, if an old man can ride a lawn mower for six weeks to sit on the porch with his brother, maybe you can giv= e it a shot. God will help you. That’s why he sent his Son, = after all—to reconcile and make new, to bring peace on earth, good will to = all people. You do have hope, bec= ause this Christmas you can come home to family! Amen!

&= nbsp;

"We do hereby and formally declare an official end to all hostilities, implied, inferred, and real, between the families, now and forevermore.” Reo Hatfield:"We're not sayin= g you don't have to fight, because sometimes you do have to fight. But you don't have to fight foreve= r.''

Alvin Straight: "The story's as old as Ca= in and Abel. Anger. Vanity. Mix that together with liquor, and you've got two brothers who haven't spoken in ten years." …"Whatever it was that = made me and Lyle so mad, it doesn't matter anymore. I want to make peace and sit with him and look up at the stars like we used to do."